Since I’ve started being honest about my mental health, I’ve noticed that my relationships have changed – mostly for the better.
There’s more trust there. We’re able to talk about bigger things. Now that I’ve opened up, the people around me have started to open up, too.
And it’s made me think about how much time I’ve spent being not-the-best friend when I wasn’t open about what I was dealing with (meaning depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and obsessive thoughts).
I want to say sorry.
I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t message you back because I overthought a response, then decided that ignoring you entirely would make you hate me less than taking a few hours to send a text.
I’m sorry I declined your calls, scared to reveal that yes, you had woken me up, because I’m still in bed at 3pm on a Sunday.
I’m sorry I backed out of plans at the last minute because after getting ready much too early, my anxiety jumped in to remind me of all the dangers outside my house.
I’m sorry for lying, for covering things up, for pretending I had food poisoning or other commitments.
Some other stuff I don’t feel proud of:
All the times I pushed you away because I didn’t want you to notice that I wasn’t being myself. The times I got angry for no reason, was irritable, and decided the easiest option was to cut you out of my life instead of letting you in.
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